


Follow Me

by wildfrancium



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amputation, Car Accidents, Depression, Disability, M/M, Physical Disability, Physical Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-01-13 17:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1235521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildfrancium/pseuds/wildfrancium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael Jones was recently in a car accident that caused him to have one of his legs amputated. Michael is bitter and angry about everything and refuses to come to terms with his disability and it's sinking him into depression. While at physical therapy one day, he meets Gavin, who is also in a wheelchair. </p><p>And maybe Gavin can help save Michael from his depression and get him to start living his life because he may be missing on leg, but he's still alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Things were … hell after the car crash. Or at least, that was the best way to describe it. He spent hours staring at the ceiling exhausted from being angry. Getting to the bathroom was the worst. Lindsay had been nice and drilled grab bars into the wall so that he wasn't struggle getting on to the toilet. But it was fucking impossible to pull his pants down while sitting.

He'd punched a good sized hole in the wall after wetting himself for the third time.

He'd been home for forty-eight hours and each one was worse then the one before. It had taken forever to get into his apartment. He was so angry that he almost broke the door. Although getting into the apartment made everything worse. He couldn't reach the counters or the stove or the freezer or the microwave or the toaster oven or even the fucking sink.

His parents had wanted to come home with him. They wanted him to go with them back to New Jersey. No one thought he could handle it alone. But he shoved them all away and settled on having his best friend Lindsay stay on his couch. He had fought her on the idea. She told him to shut the fuck up.

“Michael?” Lindsay called. He stared at the wall ignoring the phantom pains in his left foot. She opened the door. “Michael you can take more meds now. Do you want dinner? I'm ordering pizza.” He turned dull eyes to her.

“Not hungry,” he murmured. She sighed and sat on the bed tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Michael, you can't do this. You have to eat. You have to show them that you can be okay or they are going to put you back in the hospital.”

It had taken weeks for him to be cleared as stable and allowed to leave.

“I can't just get over it and be happy Lindsay! My leg is gone! I can't walk!” he screamed before sinking back into the pillows. Lindsay frowned and stood up.

“Yet. You can't walk yet,” she said sternly. He turned his attention back to the ceiling. Angry tears burned his eyes. “Now I'm ordering pizza and you are going to leave your room and eat some of it,” she told him and left. He thrashed around angrily because he had nothing left to throw.

 

Pizza came and he reluctantly clambered into his wheelchair and maneuvered into the living room. There were plenty of scrapes and cracks and dents in the walls now. Lindsay was sprawled on the couch watching some anime. She smiled at him. He struggled to get onto the couch and she handed him food.

“How's it feel?” she asked. He ran his fingers over the stump. The car accident flashed behind his eyes. The roads had been icy and it was sleeting. He was on the highway going slower than dirt when a semi came spinning across the median slamming into the driver's side and knocking his car off the road into a tree. It was a miracle he didn't break his neck. He blacked out on impact and remembered being in an ambulance. But then he was in the hospital with broken ribs and a bruised face and a fractured shoulder and a mangled leg.

The day they said they weren't going to be able to save his leg still sent shivers through him.

“It's fine. My foot … it's phantom pain or whatever. I can't stand it and try like rubbing my thigh, but it won't go away.”

“Bring that up in physical therapy tomorrow,” Lindsay said and he scowled. He didn't want to leave the apartment.

“When do I get to walk about?” he mumbled.

“You have an appointment on Friday to get fitted for a prosthetic.”

================================================================

 

Waking up was the hardest. He'd sit up, stretch, and then lift the blankets and turn to stand up only to stare down at his stump. He ran his fingers over the bright red scar. Every day he'd practice balancing. He had exceptional balance, but being in the hospital had weakened his good leg. The medication also made him dizzy when he stood too long. Which was why they told him to sit down while peeing and showering.

Michael hated sitting in the shower.

He hated sitting on the toilet.

He hated how weak his body had gotten.

He hated not driving.

He hated the brightly colored physical therapy office.

 

“Hi!” the cheery voice came from the guy in the wheelchair sitting across from Michael in the waiting area. Michael just narrowed his eyes at him. “First time yeah?” the guy asked. Michael hadn't met many British people. And those he had met didn't live in Texas.

“Far from home?” Michael asked. He wondered if the guy was paralyzed or something since he had both legs and sat in a wheelchair.

“What? Oh,” the guy smiled. “Nah this has been my home for awhile.” he smiled. “Who are you seeing?” Nosy, Michael thought.

“Uh Jack Pattillo?” Michael said hoping he remembered the name right.

“Oh me too!” the guy said happily. Michael stared at the guys shirt. It said “touch my awesome button” with an arrow pointing to his crotch. Michael rolled his eyes. This guy was weird and he wished he would shut up. “Not many people my age come here,” the guy added. “A lot of the time it's just me.”

“So we're like the youngest people here?' Michael asked. The guy nodded.

“I'm glad I've got an young buddy though!” he said.

“Let's go back to the mats, Gavin,” a tall blond called. She was pretty. Michael wondered why she couldn't be his therapist. The guy smiled at Michael as he wheeled over to the girl.

“See you around,” he said with a cheeky grin.

“Yeah,” Michael said and watched him go. He couldn't comprehend how the guy could be so happy while in a damn wheelchair. Michael couldn't wait to walk again no matter how hard it was going to be.

 

Jack Pattillo was a burly man with an impressive beard. He worked Michael to the bone almost ignoring that he only had one leg. It started with stretches and then he was doing leg lifts. It was weird to do it with his stump, but Jack said Michael would want to keep his thigh strong and the joint loose.

Next was balance. Jack had Michael stand at a bar in front of a wall lined with mirrors. He was supposed to stand there and stare at his disgusting reflection. He'd lost weight and there were dark circles under his eyes. Almost all the cuts and bruises from the crash were healed. He stared at his shorts where his left leg was missing.

He clenched the bar tighter and bit the inside of his cheek.

“If you are feeling fatigued you can sit,” Jack reminded. Michael shook his head. “Okay then I want you to slowly bend you knee and go down and then back up. Not too far, but a shallow squat. Do ten and then take a break and then another set of ten,” Jack instructed. Michael kept his eyes glued on his reflection as he squatted. His muscles protested, but he ignored that and slowly worked his way through a set of ten.

“Hello again.” the guy, Gavin, was wheeling up to the bar next to Michael. Michael glanced at him and watched Gavin reach out and jar his fingers against the bar before grabbing it and pulling himself to a stand. Apparently he wasn't paralyzed.

“Hi?” Michael said and started on ten more squats. He watched Gavin slowly start doing squats as well. His movements were jerky and less controlled than Michael's. His face looked full of concentration though. Michael listened to the woman working with Gavin explain his next task. It was stepping up and down a block a few inches off the ground. Gavin caught him staring at smiled.

“I'm absolute pap at stairs,” he told Michael. Michael watched Gavin take a shaky step up and and even shakier step down. The woman had her arms out ready to catch Gavin who looked like he was ready to topple over. Michael sat in his wheelchair and thought at least he wasn't as weak as that guy.

 

Michael listened to Lindsay pack away his wheelchair in the trunk. He was tired and hungry and his leg felt like a noodle. He stared out the window and watched Gavin leave the physical therapy office. He was with another blonde woman. She pushed him across the parking lot. Michael turned to watch Gavin open the car door and pull himself up. He stood for a moment, the woman had her hand on his lower back as if she was guiding him. Michael watched her laugh and Gavin climbed into the car. They were probably laughing at how gross Michael looked with one leg. He turned back around and punched the buttons to change the radio station.

“What's wrong with you?” Lindsay asked. Michael shrugged.

“I just want to go home,” Michael said tiredly. He wanted to go home and never leave the apartment.

“Okay,” Lindsay said giving him a worried look. “That guy in the wheelchair was talking about you,” she added.

“What did he say?!” Michael demanded. She blinked at him.

“Uhh that he met a nice guy in a wheelchair and I thought he couldn't possibly be talking about your sorry ass, but there was no one else in a wheelchair that I saw.”

“Oh,” Michael said and went back to staring out the window. He didn't know what he had expected Gavin to say about him, but he hadn't assumed it'd be positive. If anything people just told him how sorry they were for him. He hated it. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He hoped he never saw Gavin again. 


	2. Chapter 2

Michael had physical therapy five days a week. Tuesday's and Thursday's it was spent in the therapy pool. He begged Lindsay not to make him go because he had no desire to swim. She ignored him and now he sat on the muggy pool deck with his foot in the water. It had been difficult to get out of his wheelchair and onto the floor, but he was proud he had done it without assistance. The pool was fairly empty since it was early in the morning. 

"Hi Michael." The unmistakable voice of Gavin jerked Michael from his thoughts. He turned to see a tattooed man pushing Gavin to the end of the pool. Michael half expected Gavin to just flop into the water. Instead, he watched Gavin stand, holding onto the guys arm, and sat himself in a white plastic chair attached to the side of the pool. Michael watched as Gavin was then lowered into the pool.

"Are you here for therapy?" Michael asked. Gavin was standing now watching the man put his wheelchair off to the side. 

"Not really. I go swiming with Geoff like twice a week for exercise." Gavin shrugged. "They kind of force me to do it." There was a splash and then man Michael assumed was Geoff dove into the water.

"Get swimming shithead," Geoff said to Gavin dunking him under the water. Gavin came up sputtering and pouted. Michael laughed. 

"I'll talk to you later year?" Gavin said and took off swimming after Geoff.

Jack entered the pool and handed Michael a kickboard. They were going to stay in the shallow end until Michael got used to finding his center of balance with just one leg. Occasionally, when he wasn't practicing floating or whatever shit Jack had him doing, he'd glance over at Gavin's lane. He doubted he'd ever be able to swim normally. 

Michael hoisted himself out of the water and sat on the edge of the pool taking a breather after therapy ended. Jack stood waiting to help him into his wheelchair. Michael shook water from his hair and wiped his eyes. His body didn't feel as exhausted as it did yesterday. 

"Okay I can get up now," Michael said. Jack lifted him up surprisingly easily. 

"Do you need help changing?" Jack asked. Michael shook his head. Fuck no was he going to get help even if he might need it. "Okay, if you change your mind just have the guy in the office come get me," Jack told him and held the locker room door open for Michael.

"Okay," Michael said and glanced at Gavin who was getting out of the pool. It was like he couldn't escape him.   
Michael listened to Gavin and Geoff talk while he changed. They were discussing whether they'd take x amount of money if in return they had to wipe their asses a hundred times everytime they took a shit. Michael thought they were really fucking weird. 

He wheeled out to the lobby to wait for Lindsay. 

Gavin parked next to him.

Michael tried not to look annoyed. 

"So what the fuck is wrong with you anyway?" Michael blurted out. Gavin's eyes widened in surprised and then he shrugged. 

"Figure it out yourself. You've got the internet," Gavin said simply. Michael frowned. 

"Can't you just tell me?" he snapped. Gavin shrugged again. 

"Well what happened to you? Are you a soldier?" Gavin asked. Michael's insides tightened up. He didn't want to talk about it. He wanted to ignore his missing leg. "Sorry, it was probably recent," Gavin said softly. For some reason that made it worse. 

"Don't feel fucking sorry for me. It's over and done with," Michael said. The words tasted bitter and hung in the air like a looming storm. "Why are you still here? Go home." Gavin let out a breath. 

"I'll see you later then Michael," Gavin told him. 

"Yeah," Michael said and watched Gavin leave through the doors. Geoff met Gavin and helped him into the car before taking his wheelchair to the trunk. They were laughing about something. 

Probably him. 

Michael pressed his palms to his eyes. He wasn't going to fucking cry here. He heard the door open and was relieved to see Lindsay. 

"Hey you okay?" she asked pushing him out to the car. 

"I saw that guy again. Gavin," Michael told her as he got into the car. 

"Oh that's cool," she said. Michael picked at the seat. He suddenly couldn't wait for Friday. The sooner he was on two legs the better.

=====================

Michael didn't see Gavin Wednesday or Thursday or Friday. On Wednesday he felt relieved. He was able to do his work out in peace. On Thursday he was annoyed. He stared at the edge of the pool waiting to see Gavin. But he didn't expect to see him Friday since he was back at the hospital with Lindsay pushing him through the busy hallways to the prosthesis, Dr. Ryan Haywood.

The appointment made Michael feel worse. It started off with explications regrading how hard and difficult and exhausting learning to walk again was going to be since he had an above the knee amputation. Dr. Haywood suggested that he look into getting a better quality wheelchair since he'd be using it for probably the rest of his life. 

That's where he almost lost it. He wanted to throw up. This was supposed to be his saving grace. They were supposed to tell him that he was going to walk again.

“Are you okay Michael? I know it's a lot to process,” Dr. Haywood said. Michael nodded numbly. 

“I'm fine,” he said quietly. He stared at his stump. 

“Okay then we are going to move on to the parts of your prosthetic,” he said. Again Michael nodded. He half listened to Dr. Haywood explain all the parts. He reluctantly let the doctor take measurements of his stump and he reluctantly agreed to agree to try different ones to get a feel.

“I've worked with many people Michael and all of them hate this part. But you will walk. It's going to take a lot of work, but a negative approach is going to make it worse,” the doctor told him. Michael glared. 

The prosthetic felt weird. It was heavy and awkward. He didn't see how this was supposed to work. Standing was worse. He held tight to the bars on either side of him and put his weight on his right leg. 

“I want you to try picking up your left leg,” Dr. Haywood instructed. Michael lifted his leg. It was heavy and pulled on his hip. But as he lifted his leg the knee bent in preparation of taking a step. “Now when you go to put your left foot down the leg will straighten back out,” he explained. Michael carefully set his leg back down. He didn't want to put weight on it though. 

“Are you sure it'll support me?” Michael asked. The doctor nodded. 

“That's what they are made for,” he reminded Michael. “You can try putting weight on it. It's going to feel weird and it'll be better when we get your leg in. But there's no harm in trying it out.” Michael shifted a tiny bit of his weird. The pressure on his thigh was uncomfortable and immediately made his missing left foot hurt. “Pain?”

“Yeah in … in my foot,” Michael told him. “I want to take it off,” he added. 

“Okay,” Dr. Haywood said and helped Michael sit back down and took off the prosthetic. 

Now he had to wait three weeks for his leg.

 

“Let's go get food,” Lindsay said when they were in the car. 

“Sure,” Michael said. He didn't care anymore. Everything was a mess. He leaned his head against the window wishing the car crash had killed him instead.

They went to a barbeque place that was spacious and accessible. Michael didn't really notice though. He wasn't even that hungry. 

“Ray said he's probably going to come over later,” Lindsay told Michael as they waited for their food. 

“He texted you?” Michael asked. 

“Yeah cause you don't answer your phone anymore,” she told him. He was guilty of that. He didn't really want to see or talk to anyone. He didn't even want to talk to Lindsay, but she forced it on him. “He said he'd be by later and hey isn't that Gavin?” Michael's head snapped up and he looked to where Lindsay was pointing. 

It was indeed Gavin and he was with Geoff and the blonde woman. Michael stared at Gavin sitting there laughing. 

“Yeah it's Gavin,” Michael grunted. Their food came. 

“Why don't you go say hi?” she asked. Michael rolled his eyes. 

“I don't want to be his friend,” Michael said. Lindsay looked confused. 

“I think he'd be a good friend. Maybe he'd even understand what you're going through or something,” she said with a shrug. Michael chewed his food. He doubted it. Gavin sat there happily eating and Michael was sitting there unhappy. There was no way he could understand. He had his legs. He didn't have to relearn how to walk. He didn't have the pain or the shit that came with his stupid amputated leg. 

“I fucking doubt it,” Michael grumbled.

“Why not? He's in a wheelchair. Maybe it's not because he's got an amputated limb, but he's still in a wheelchair. Stop being such a suck ass.”

“I am not being fucking anything,” he shot back. “I don't like him. He's annoying and dumb.”

“Hi Michael.” Gavin's voice was jarring and Michael glared at him. Gavin smiled. “I like this place because I don't run into things when getting around,” he continued. 

“Yeah,” Michael said feeling deflated. 

“But your friend is right. I may have both my legs, but the wheelchair is still pretty new to me,” Gavin added. Michael burned red. 

“You won't tell me what's wrong though,” Michael said quietly. 

“It's called the internet idiot,” Gavin told him. “We're on our way out though. I'll see you on Monday, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Michael said and Gavin wheeled away. Michael watched him go. He wasn't hungry anymore. “I want to go home. I don't feel good,” Michael mumbled. Lindsay ran her hand through her hair and shook her head.

“Okay,” she said sounding defeated. Michael wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

It was late. Ray had come over dragging Michael out of his room. Michael drank despite the warnings on his medication. He relaxed. It felt like a weight had been lifted. It was just a normal evening. Ray bitched about the jobs he'd gone on that day. He worked for tech support at a large company. He was usually sent out to their smaller locations to do tech stuff. He frequently encountered idiots. 

“Most of the fucking problems can be solved by running the fucking troubleshooting program, but no that's too scary so I get dragged all over the fucking city!” Ray complained killing Michael with a head shot. 

Lindsay talked about how she was glad to be out of the lab and just doing research documenting at home. 

Michael admitted that he actually missed going into the plant. He was an electrical engineer. He'd been out of work for almost three months. 

Now it was almost midnight and he was tired of staring at the ceiling. He was exhausted, but Gavin was sitting on his mind. He finally sat up and turned the light on by the bed and picked his laptop off the nightstand. Michael opened it up and typed in shaky arms. He read through six conditions when he found one that seemed to fit Gavin. His next search was on Multiple Sclerosis.

He kind of wished he hadn't looked it up. 

Michael felt awful for what he said about Gavin. He was going to be able to walk again, but Gavin … it sounded like he'd just continue to deteriorate. It was already at the point where Gavin needed a wheelchair. 

Michael shut the light off and went back to staring at the ceiling. He ran his hand over his left thigh. There was no pain tonight.

===========================================

  
The weekend had been … easier. Michael hadn't wanted to sit in his room all day. He ran errands with Lindsay, stopped by work to tell them he'd be back in the office next week, he even worked out to the best of his ability. He was determined to get strong so that when his prosthetic was ready he'd be ready. 

Monday morning was warm and breezy. 

Gavin sat inside reading a magazine. He looked up when Michael wheeled in. 

“You look better than you did on Friday,” Gavin commented. Michael shifted uncomfortably. 

“Yeah I just wasn't really feeling that great,” he said. Gavin shrugged. “Anyway … I figured out what's wrong with you.”

“Oh yeah?” Gavin asked raising his eyebrows. Michael nodded. 

“Multiple Sclerosis,” he told Gavin. Gavin nodded. 

“Okay, but that's not what I've got,” he said. Michael was confused.

“No it fits everything,” Michael said. Gavin grinned. 

“Doctors thought so too, but nope. I've got something else.”

“What the fuck do you mean you've got something else?” Michael snapped.

“Michael calm down,” Gavin laughed. Michael wheeled over to him and got up in his face. Gavin gurgled and squawked pushing Michael's shoulders. 

“I am calm. But you're going to tell me what the fuck is wrong with you,” Michael said in a low voice. Gavin sighed. 

“Taking all the fun out of it Michael,” he whined. 

“Tell me,” Michael told him in a low voice. 

“You're gonna go and look it up and think differently of me,” Gavin said with a sigh. Michael rolled his eyes.

“Stop being a little shit and tell me.”

“Then will you tell me about your leg?” Gavin asked. Michael thought about it. He didn't want to talk about it. 

“Am I interrupting something?” the blonde physical therapist, who Michael was pretty sure was named Barbara, asked. Gavin laughed and let his hands fall from Michael's shoulders. Michael leaned back. 

“No, I'm coming,” Gavin said and turned to Michael. “I have Friedreich's Ataxia. And … ask me if you have questions okay?” 

“I swear to god that better be a real disease,” Michael replied. Gavin shrugged and went back with Barbara leaving Michael to wait for Jack alone.


	3. Chapter 3

In the dark, when he couldn't sleep, Michael looked up the disease Gavin had told him. He realized that it had shown up in his earlier search, but he had disregarded it because there wasn't much information. 

He didn't like what he was reading. The word 'degenerative' stuck with him. There was no way for them to stop what Gavin had. He'd slowly get worse. Michael continued. People lost the ability to walk, some lost the ability to see. Because it attacked the muscles and nerves there was no part of the body that was safe. 

Michael ran his hand over his left thigh thinking. 

Three hours later he was on a website reading about different people with the disease and there was Gavin. He clicked the link by the picture of Gavin. 

Gavin Free filmmaker, the page read. Gavin was standing by a bunch of different cameras with the people Michael had seen at the pool. The looked like they were in the desert.

 

'Gavin Free is a professional filmmaker working with the Ramsey’s on the Ramsey Documentaries. He is known for winning numerous cinematography awards in European Film Festivals for his use of slow-motion capture. He won his first award at 18 for a short film involving water balloons popping in slow motion. 

Since 2009, Gavin Free has been working with the Ramsey's on their documentaries covering cultures of the world. They traveled to over fifty countries to film different communities. Their recent 2012 series focused on the typical lives of twelve year olds around the world.

In 2013, the Ramsey's announced that they were taking a break due to Gavin's medical concerns. They have been compiling behind the scenes footage for a short series on their personal experiences. The first video of five has been released on their YouTube channel. At the beginning of 2014, a new series was announced on National Geographic and Discovery Health. It was cover disabled people around the world. Filming is expected to begin in August. 

Gavin Free was diagnosed in 2008 at the age of 20.'

 

Michael stared at the pictures at the bottom of the page. It showed Gavin in various locations working on filming or eating food or running around. Michael had a million questions. 

He opened up the link to the YouTube channel and saw that there were a ton of random videos. The first one he clicked on was Gavin in an airport with a bunch of luggage. “I'm supposed to sit here and watch millions of dollars of equipment while Geoff finds a car. He doesn't even speak German! I speak German!” the camera dropped to show all the luggage. He was explaining what the different colors of tape meant. It cut to the Ramsey's loading a van with their equipment and Gavin perching on a railing. When they were ready to go Gavin jumped down only stumbling for a second. The video was dated July 20th, 2011.

Michael couldn't bare to watch another video. Instead, he shut his lap top and got into his wheelchair and tried to quietly go out into the living room. 

Lindsay sat up half asleep. “You 'kay?” she mumbled rubbing her eyes. 

“Yeah I just need air. I'm gonna sit on the porch,” he said quietly pulling open the door to the porch. He rarely used the porch, but right now he felt like he was suffocating. He needed to be outside. 

It was a warm night. Street lamps dotted the sidewalks and a light breeze blew the leaves in the trees. Michael slumped back in his wheelchair and stared at the sky. He had too many questions for Gavin and while Gavin had said to ask him, Michael felt awkward asking. He didn't want people prying about his leg...

He thought about the pictures on the site. They were dated 2011. Gavin was walking around in 2011. And then there was stuff about heart disease? That's what Michael wanted to know. He wanted to know how fast Gavin's disease was killing him. 

 

Michael stayed on the porch until sunrise. Lindsay came outside with coffee and asked what was bothering him. He told her about the disease Gavin had. 

“Well, what did you expect?” she asked. He looked up at her. She crossed her arms. “You knew he wasn't paralyzed, so what did you think it was?”

“He maybe could have been getting better,” Michael said quietly. He didn't know what he was expecting. He just didn't expect it to be so sad. 

====================================================================

Gavin sat in the waiting room reading a magazine. He looked up when Michael entered a smiled. Michael didn't know how to react. Gavin sighed setting the magazine aside. 

“You looked it up didn't you?” Gavin asked. Michael nodded. “You know I'm fine, right?” Michael nodded again.

“Is your heart?” Michael asked softly not sure if he was supposed to talk about it. Gavin sighed again running his fingers through his hair. 

“I did join the bad hearts club, but it's a minor concern. They are just going to monitor it incase it gets bad,” Gavin told him. Michael's fingers ran over his stump. The information was jarring. How did Gavin wake up in the morning? How did he not lock himself away? 

“How?” Michael blurted out but Jack interrupted him. Gavin handed Michael a piece of paper. 

“It's directions to our studio. Incase you want to talk more. There's always someone there that can find me.”

======================================================================

Michael and Lindsay sat quietly in the car outside of the studio. They'd been sitting there while Michael decided for twenty minutes.  
“Just go inside. There are cars in the parking lot. It'll be fine,” Lindsay said for the eighth time, but Michael wasn't sure. RAMSEY PRODUCTIONS looked like an ordinary building with a bright blue wooden ramp out front. There was nothing intimidating about the building, but Michael didn't know how to look at Gavin. He didn't know if he should feel sad or sorry or what. 

“Fine,” Michael said at last. He ran his fingers over his stump as he waited for Lindsay to get his wheelchair out of the trunk. He kept meaning to order a wheelchair like Gavin's. Maybe he could ask Gavin where he got his?

Michael wanted to punch something. He didn't want to sit there asking Gavin the wrong questions or stupid questions. He'd hate it if someone came up to him and started badgering him about his leg. 

He couldn't wait to walk. 

“Wait Lindsay stop,” Michael said weakly. They were halfway to the door, but that thought, what would Gavin think of Michael when Michael could walk again? It was like he'd be mocking Gavin...

“Oh are you coming inside?” a guy asked. Michael recognized him from the pictures and the videos. 

“Yeah,” Lindsay said before Michael could say no. Michael sat in his wheelchair defeated. 

“Gavin went to go get beer, but he'll be back in like ten minutes,” the guy said. “I'm Geoff and this is my place. Actually it's my wifes' place but you know,” Geoff said and shrugged. 

“I'm Michael and this is Lindsay,” Michael said. Geoff nodded. The followed him to a huge back room with high ceilings and a green screen and lumber piled in the corner and eight computers on tables. There were various cameras set up on the floor. 

“We were working on some intros,” Geoff explained gesturing to the equipment. “Took a break though because Gavin's hands weren't functioning properly.”

Michael felt sick. 

“We're back Geoff!” Gavin called the banging open. Michael turned in his seat. Gavin smiled at him. 

And that hurt. Was his smile real or was it plastered to his face like Michael's usually was. All the doctors telling him he was lucky. All the people in his life skirting around the issue. And still Michael smiled and shrugged it off. He might have some good moments, but the majority of the time he felt... lost. 

“You showed up,” Gavin said setting beer on one of the tables. Michael shrugged. “Follow me,” Gavin said opening the box and putting four cans in his lap. 

Michael followed Gavin to the other side of the studio and through a door. It was an office with a computer and numerous hard drives stacked on shelves. With the shelves hung pictures of Gavin in various parts of the world. Usually with a camera. 

“It's easier to talk when there isn't an audience hovering,” he said with a grin offering Michael a beer. 

“Yeah,” he said cracking the can open. 

“You were gonna ask me something earlier,” Gavin reminded Michael. But now Michael didn't know if he wanted to ask. He didn't want to hear that Gavin was fine with the wheelchair and he didn't want to hear that Gavin hated it. Neither would make him feel better.  
Michael's mind wandered to his hands as he watched Gavin struggle to open his beer for a moment. “My dexterity is kind of shit now,” Gavin said lightly. Michael looked at him with sad eyes. 

“Are you okay with it? Geoff said your hands were acting up...” Michael said hoping he didn't cross a line. Gavin let out a slow breath.

“Cameras have always been my life. Slow motion... it's my passion. I've got a whole youtube channel full of stuff. I've worked on major motion pictures... gave that all up to travel with the Ramsey's because with them I was surrounded with cameras,” he explained not looking at Michael. “About four years ago I started noticing my fingers would swell or something, but it turned into having trouble hitting the buttons. My hands shake and sometimes I can't get the to behave. Slow motion... it's all about timing and sometimes I don't have that timing anymore.”

Gavin's words hung in the air. 

“And there's nothing-”

“There's nothing,” Gavin said cutting Michael off. He took a sip of his beer. 

“I'm going to walk again,” Michael blurted out. Gavin grinned. 

“Figured you would. Since you could stand it was obvious you weren't paralyzed.”

“Do you hate that? That they can fix me but not you?” Michael asked not realizing how harsh his words sounded until he said them. Gavin shrugged.

“Yeah I do hate it. I hate every second of it. I hate that I've got to continue suffering. I hate that what I love becomes harder every day,” he said with a laugh and took another gulp. “But what am I supposed to do about it Michael? I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I don't want you to feel guilty, because there is nothing anyone can do. I live like this. And you live like that. I might hate every bloody second of it... but in the end what can I do?”

“I...” Michael was at a loss for words. 

“You better learn to run or something I swear. Your leg is gone, but they are building you a robot leg. Let it be your freedom,”Gavin said. Michael shook his head. 

“I don't know how,” he said weakly. He gripped his left thigh hanging his head. “All I can think is that it's gone and I don't know where to go from here,” he whispered. His chest felt tight. “I just don't want to wake up in the morning.”

“But you do. No matter how much you don't want to... you do. Griffon would tell me, she'd say you might not know what's waking you up, but there's something,” Gavin explained. “And it's going to suck, dragging yourself out of bed every morning and looking at yourself in the mirror. It's gonna suck when your body doesn't work properly. And god will death sound great. No more of this shit.”

“So what do I do?” Michael asked voice cracking. 

“I really don't know. I just can't stand the thought of people thinking poor Gav couldn't deal with his disability so he offed himself. So many people tell me if they were in my situation they'd do themselves in. And it makes me so angry. I think the anger keeps me alive. I don't want people to feel sorry for me and I sure don't want them to think I can't handle this. I mean some days I can't, but others don't need to know that.”

Michael shook his head biting the inside of his cheek. He didn't know what he had expected Gavin to say. 

“Oh and another thing! I don't want to be anyones damn inspiration. I'm the same Gavin I was before. I'm just in a chair and stuff. Michael, don't become anyones inspiration. When they congratulate you on walking down stairs or something, you tell them to step in dog shit.”

Michael laughed rubbing his eyes. 

“I don't know if I can,” he said. 

“Then I'll see you at your funeral,” Gavin said bluntly. “But if you decide to stick around, I'd like it if we hung out more. So busy with life I don't have many friends,” Gavin told him. Michael just hung his head wiping silent tears away. Gavin put a hand on his shoulder. “We can get through it together. Geoff tells me that on dark days. It's better to have friends that lift you up and stuff. People to talk to...”

Michael still had nothing to say. He just nodded. It was like Gavin was throwing him a lifeline even though they barely knew each other.  
He didn't know if he could though. Gavin talked about it so freely, but to Michael it was consuming his. 

“And now the cliché bullshit. I'm only telling you because we are both in a sinking boat. But you want to be a person with a disability not a disabled person. You define the disability. The disability doesn't define you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I feel about this chapter. I hope you all enjoy though.  
> And just a forewarning, the next chapter will be three months after this chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

\-------------- THREE MONTHS LATER ---------------------

“Gavvy Gavvers!” Michael called walking into the studio. He really hoped they weren't filming anything. But the studio was empty except for sound coming out of Gavin's office. “Gav!!” Michael called again opening the door. Gavin jumped and exited out of what he was watching. 

“Hi Michael,” he said quietly.

“You okay Gavin?” Michael asked. He looked upset. 

Gavin smiled and ran a shaky hand through his hair. “No I'm fine I was just going through some footage. We've been doing a lot of pre-production stuff in hopes to be ready to start filming next month,” Gavin explained. 

“Blah, blah, blah work. Let's go do something fun,” Michael said dragging Gavin's wheelchair out of the room.

“Michael!” Gavin cried reaching for his desk. 

“No!” Michael said continuing to drag him out. “We can go film more Play Pals,” Michael told him. He'd started a youtube channel with Gavin out of boredom. Well, it was born when Michael and Gavin were playing games with Ray and Ray asked them why they weren't filming it. 

“Not in the mood to do that,” Gavin said. Michael frowned. 

“Then what are you in the mood for?” Michael asked. Gavin shrugged. “There has to be something Gavvy,” Michael said locking the studio. Gavin shrugged again. “Let's go eat then okay?” 

“Only if it's barbeque,” Gavin said. Michael smiled.

“Okay boi!” 

Every once in awhile, Michael would find Gavin watching old behind the scenes videos with him walking. Gavin would get in a mood and not want to do anything. Michael tried and tried to get him to open up about it or cry or something, but he'd always brush it off and force a smile. 

Michael hated it. 

Michael helped Gavin into his car and folded up his wheelchair. Everyone was still surprised at how easy it was for Michael to drive again. 

Admittedly, he was stressed at first, but the combination of a new leg and driving gave him his old life back.

“We pushed filming back,” Gavin said when Michael got in the car. 

“Why?” Michael asked. Gavin shrugged. 

“This time of the year gets busy. I have annual check ups and stuff,” he told Michael. 

“Are you... sad about it?” Michael asked treading lightly on the subject. Again Gavin shrugged.

“I just want to film before I run out of time and my hands are too shit or whatever,” Gavin said bitterly. Michael knew better then to say he wouldn't run out of time. 

“Then let's film something while you're waiting,” Michael suggested. Again with the shrugging. Michael gripped the steering wheel. He knew these moods. He frequented them himself. He wished he knew how to make them go away. “I'm sure we can find something around here to film. Like you know those random videos on the Ramsey's channel? Let's do that. Stupid life videos. The life of Captain Wheelchair and his sidekick One Leg,” Michael laughed. “Wait no I want to be Captain One Leg and you can be my trusty first mate Wheelchair Boy.”

Gavin laughed. “We already do that Michael.”

“Yeah but let's put it on the internet. Like that time Geoff wedged your wheelchair in between those two trees at the park? Or the time you were filming me competing with Geoff in Just Dance?” 

Gavin smiled more. “I don't know if the internet wants to see that,” he laughed. Michael rolled his eyes as he parked. 

“You've got a million subscribers on your channel with the Slow Mo stuff, the Ramsey channel has nearly three million, and our tiny channel is already nearing a thousand. I think people would like it,” Michael told him. He got Gavin's wheelchair and helped him out of the car. Gavin wheeled himself up the ramp and Michael followed. 

“I guess it's just...” Gavin trailed off gesturing with his hands. 

“I know,” Michael said opening the door. “I know.”

********************************************************************************************************

After dinner and games and bevs, both Michael and Gavin were exhausted. Three months with a prosthetic and there were still days where everything made Michael tired. 

“You're welcome to crash here,” Michael offered as he always did. He knew Gavin didn't stay places other then his home because they weren't accessible, but Michael's apartment was. Gavin could get in and out of the bathroom himself. The kitchen was harder, but he could get plates and cups and access most of the fridge. The walls were already scraped so Michael didn't mind adding more damage. Gavin was still nervous though. 

Michael took off his leg and lay back on the couch. Gavin sat nestled in the pillows of the other couch. Michael shut his eyes. 

“Come on we can stay up late watching dumb movies,” Michael said. He didn't mind driving Gavin home at four in the morning, but part of him wanted Gavin to feel comfortable at his house. He'd crashed on Gavin's couch a few times. 

“I know and it's just...” Gavin trailed off.

“Tell me,” Michael urged. “Is the couch too low?” he asked. Sometimes Gavin got stuck on furniture that was too low or soft. 

“No it's okay. I like your couch because it's the right height,” Gavin said. “It's just I don't have my... medicine...” he whispered. 

“Oh is that all?” Michael asked. Gavin looked surprised. Michael sighed. “It's okay to be on medication Gav. You know I take like three different things,” Michael said with a small smile. Gavin looked deflated. 

“I just hate appearing weak,” he murmured. 

“No one thinks you're weak Gavin,” Michael said. They were the same words Gavin was always saying to him. On Michael's bad days Gavin was always there, so it was only fair that Michael was there on Gavin's bad days. “Come on let's go get your medicine and like clean boxers and socks,” Michael said. 

“Wouldn't it be easier if I just stayed home then?” Gavin asked. Michael set about putting his leg back on.

“Gavin you don't seem to get it. I want you to stay over. Like a sleepover. I'll even stay out here on the other couch,” Michael told him. Gavin sighed. 

“I don't want you to do that,-”

“Gavin! I want to!” Michael insisted. He shook his head. “And you say I'm fucking stubborn. Do you know yourself? For fucks sake,” Michael grumbled. 

**********************************************************************

Gavin was asleep in a worn t-shirt and boxers under a thin blanket while Michael lay staring at the ceiling. He hated when this happened. He was so tired and he was in a good mood, but insomnia overtook him. He was trying to think of how to convince Gavin to put the videos up. 

But he knew Gavin had a huge problem with being filmed in his wheelchair. He did his best to even keep it out of pictures. He didn't want to be seen as disabled. 

Michael was that way too. He hated watching himself walk on camera and at first he only wore pants in public. He had to get over it when Lindsay took him swimming one day. A lot of people stared. She said it was probably his own paranoia, but he knew there were people looking. He didn't blame them. He'd stare too if he were them. 

But Gavin felt the wheelchair made him look weak. Or people would think he was faking it. Michael had been out with him once when this lady yelled at Gavin for 'mocking people in wheelchairs'. Michael wanted to beat her over the head with his leg, but Gavin said to let it go. Michael knew that it ate away at Gavin. 

Without him or the Ramsey's, Gavin would probably spend all his time inside hiding from the world and Michael hated that. So he took Gavin places. He wore shorts so that people knew he was disabled too and not just walking like a moron. Unlike Gavin, when people made fun of Michael's walking, Michael told them to fuck off and get run over by a car. It always made Gavin laugh. 

Michael sighed. Gavin was quickly becoming one of his best friends and he just wanted him smiling. 

“Michael?” Gavin asked. 

“Yeah? Everything okay?” Michael answered. 

“Yeah I just wanted to say I think I want to upload those videos,” Gavin told him. 

“Really?” Michael asked excitedly. 

“Not bloody now, but yeah in the morning or something,” Gavin said. Michael grinned as he lay back down. He wasn't going to be lame and tell Gavin he was proud of him, but he was. 

“Sounds great,” Michael told him as he shut his eyes and finally drifted to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Michael nervously tapped his pen on his desk. He was worried about tomorrow. It had been distracting him all week and he barely paid attention in the meetings he'd been attending that week. He worked for a company that did lighting designs for skyscrapers, museums, theaters, and other things that required fancy lighting set ups. He was supposed to be going over paper work for three of their bigger projects, but instead he was staring at his desk chewing his lip raw.

He'd gotten used to being at therapy without his leg, he was used to being at work and them knowing about his prosthetic, he was used to being out in public with his leg. He was doing good. 

But Gavin said they should all go float the river. Michael had gone plenty of times before the car accident, but he hadn't thought of ever going out and doing it now. Gavin said it was fine. Geoff and Griffon went all the time with him. So Michael recruited Lindsay and Ray. 

Ray was appalled by the idea, but Michael said they only needed help getting Gavin in the water. The Ramsey's would be at the other end to help. Lindsay was thrilled by the idea though. And Michael didn't know how to tell everyone that he was terrified of being without his leg with a river full of strangers. 

It was a stupid fear, which annoyed him more. He didn't want to be nervous or agitated thinking about it, but the thought would not leave his mind. People were going to think he was some kind of freak or something...

“Hey Michael?” Miles, one of his co-workers on his team and a pretty decent friend, asked peering into Michael's work station. 

“Yeah?” Michael asked still lost in thought. 

“The team is planning on going out to the location in Paris to really be hands on and I... the others didn't know how to ask if you wanted to come,” Miles said quickly. Michael looked up.

“What?” Michael asked. 

“Can you travel?” he asked running a hand through his hair. “Like it's stupid, but with your leg and it's a lot of walking...”

“Why wouldn't I be able to travel?” Michael asked flatly. Miles looked flustered. 

“Just can you come? Or do you even want to?” 

“Of course I can go!” Michael snapped. Miles held his hands up.

“I'm just the messenger,” he said innocently. “Do you need anything special room wise or like does someone need to travel with you?” 

Michael just stared. Miles looked at him nervously. Michael sighed. “I'll let you know,” he said. He knew he didn't need anything, but the offer had given him an idea.

“Okay great talk,” Miles said with a grin and went back to his work. Michael just rolled his eyes. 

========================================================================

“Wow he really asked you that?” Ray asked as he sniped Michael. 

“Yeah. I mean Miles is a good guy, but I was like are you kidding me?” Michael asked. He was in a game of Call of Duty with Ray and Gavin.

“Trust me, it's going to keep happening,” Gavin laughed. “The things people ask if I can do... it's like yeah this is a wheelchair, but I can still function like a normal human.”

“I know! It's a damn fake leg,” Michael groaned. “Can I travel? Like am I supposed to stay in my fucking house all the time? Who am I? Am I Ray?” 

“Hey now,” Ray countered. “I am doing a service to my people by spending my time indoors.”

“That makes no fucking sense,” Michael laughed killing Gavin for the third time in a room.

“Michael,” Gavin whined. “Go after Ray.”

“Fuck no! I'm hiding from Ray!” Michael shouted. It was nice to get into a game and forget all the stressors weighing on his mind. It was also nice to shoot Gavin and listen to him squawk. 

========================================================================

“Okay we shall commence operation float the river now!” Lindsay shouted. She held their cooler while Michael, Gavin, and Ray followed after her. 

“This is going to be a disaster,” Michael groaned. They got onto the dock and Lindsay got their tubes. 

“So how do we like... guys I don't swim,” Ray complained. 

“You aren't even going to get wet,” Gavin said. Lindsay returned. 

“Alright Gavin, your move,” Lindsay said. 

“Okay I need Michael and Ray to help me out and to sit on the dock and Lindsay I need you in the water,” Gavin explained. 

Michael and Ray helped Gavin out of the wheelchair and helped him sit down. “Now what? Do you just like fling yourself in?” Michael asked. 

“Actually yeah,” Gavin told him. “Alright I'm going in. Lindsay be ready to pull me up,” Gavin said and pushed off the dock into the water. He went totally under and Lindsay quickly pulled him to his feet and passed him a tube. “Thanks Lindsay.”

“Now we need you Michael,” Lindsay said as Ray handed her the cooler. Michael took a deep breath and sat down to remove his leg.

“This is so gross,” Ray said taking the leg from Michael and putting it in the wheelchair. “I'm like a Repoman,” he complained. Michael rolled his eyes. 

“Just put it all in Lindsay's car and get on your bus,” Michael told him and hopped into the cool water. 

 

The whole float the river was a lot easier then Michael anticipated. He didn't feel like anyone was looking at him. If anything, he and Gavin blended in while in the water and drinking. 

“So when's this trip to France?” Lindsay asked. 

“Two weeks I think?” Michael had been emailed the information, but that didn't mean he'd taken time to read over it. “They got me a handicap accessible room,” Michael added. Which was why he didn't read the rest of the email. He was annoyed that they thought he was completely incapable. 

“Do you put your leg through the scanner thing?” Lindsay asked opening another beer for Gavin. 

“No they have these like full body scanners now,” Gavin told them. “And European customs aren't douche bags like American.”

“You should come to France with me,” Michael said taking a long drink. They both looked at him. “No like I'm being one hundred percent serious. I've got the accessible room. Your projects are still in pre-production. I'm sure you could find something to film in France while you wait.” 

They continued to stare at him. 

“What?” Michael asked. 

“Michael are you asking me on a romantic trip to Paris?” Gavin asked. Michael rolled his eyes shoving Gavin's tube away. 

“Float into the fucking ocean. Both of you,” Michael said trying to swim away. Both of them were laughing. Lindsay grabbed his tube. 

“I think it'd be fun if you guys went. Gavin probably knows like good places to eat and stuff,” Lindsay said. 

“I know a few people out there too,” Gavin added. “I'll talk to Geoff and Griffon about it, but if you're serious then I'd love to go. I've been in this city for way too long.” 

“I think it's great that you two are going to go on a romantic trip to Paris,” Lindsay laughed. Michael did his best to push her away from them. 

“Paris is amazing. Lots of art and food. We did a piece for our series, but also some other shorts. We did some like exploring Paris videos as well as some stuff we wrote,” Gavin explained. “Whenever we could it was just film everything. We filmed so many drunk adventures too.”

“I'm down for those,” Michael said taking a long drink. 

“It's the city of love~” Lindsay teased.

“Lindsay I swear to god!” Michael shouted making her laugh. 

“It's going to be weird with a wheelchair though... maybe I shouldn't go...”

“No fuck that. People in France have to have fucking wheelchairs. We will make it work.”

“It's just everything is smaller. Like buildings and doorways.”

“Then I'll be that angry American prick who is always complaining,” Michael insisted. Gavin gave him a weak smile. 

“What project are you going there to check out?” Lindsay asked. 

“Two actually. One is a design for some outdoor gardens and one is for an art museum. We are going to make sure everything is working out and figure out any on site flaws,” Michael explained. “The museum is a complicated design, but the gardens is a bigger project.” 

“Can I get some shots done there?” Gavin asked. Michael shrugged. 

“Yeah I guess. They'd probably like that actually,” Michael said. “The companies are really artsy and stuff.”

“You better take lots of pictures in general! Man Paris... how romantic!”

Michael splashed Lindsay. “I swear to fucking god Lindsay! Say it once more and I'll drown you!” 

====================================================================

Everything was set. Gavin had discussed and discussed with Geoff and Griffon the idea of travel. They were nervous. They were afraid something could happen like Gavin might slip in the bathroom or not be able to go inside places. Gavin was worried about that too. Hell, Michael was worried about it. 

They were adults though and they could do this. 

But now, a few days before the flight, Michael wasn't sure. Gavin was busy packing and repacking his cameras while Michael got more and more anxious. He tried practicing French to distract himself, but it was no use. Gavin knew enough, but Michael gave up fast. He was fine with being the loud American. 

Besides Gavin, Miles had been even more friendly with Michael. Yeah they were friends, but Miles was now dragging Michael over to his desk to look at youtube videos and shit. He didn't mind. They were on a team of five and Miles was friendly with everyone. But after hearing that Gavin Free, filmographer for Ramsey Productions, was coming he glued himself to Michael's hip. Miles told Michael all about how he dabbled in film and writing scripts in college. He majored in film and that's why he went into lighting. Miles was originally on a team that did lighting for movies, but switched to Michael's team a year and a half ago. It was probably because of better pay.

 

“You okay Michael?” Lindsay asked. They'd gone out to dinner. 

“Just thinking. We are lucky that Gavin has friends in France who can pick us up from the airport and the company has a handicap accessible van to take us to the locations... I'm just worrying about it. Gavin keeps saying maybe it was a bad idea, but I want to... I don't know. I don't want him to be right.” 

“I think you'll be fine. Maybe there'll be obstacles or whatever, but you are both intelligent. Besides, hasn't Miles been doing research?” she asked. Michael groaned. 

“Yes but I have to keep telling him that I will be fine and that it's all for Gavin. I don't think he believes me though. He like doesn't know how to act around me. He's always thinking about my stupid leg,” Michael grumbled. Lindsay shrugged. 

“I mean I guess it's nice that he's at least looking out for you?”

“No that's the problem. I don't need him to. If there was an issue I'd bring it up. I don't need to be coddled or whatever,” Michael told her. He knew that Miles's heart was in the right place, but it was driving him up a wall. He'd asked Gavin if he dealt with stuff like that. Gavin told him he was treated that way by 99% of the people he encountered. Michael was pretty sure he'd snap. He'd only snapped when people muttered shit about him using handicap parking. When it was raining, he didn't like walking across the parking lots. He always felt unsteady. And twice he'd been with Gavin and gotten shit. He very loudly talked about beating someone with his fake leg. The other time he hauled off and yelled as Gavin tried to pull him away. 

“It's going to be fine Michael,” Lindsay said at last. “Stop worrying and enjoy the trip.” 

Michael really, really hoped it'd be smooth sailing. He knew he couldn't be ignorant and pretend they wouldn't encounter obstacles, but he refused to let it stop him. He also knew how obstacles got Gavin down and he knew that he had to be there to lift Gavin's spirits. He wanted to prove Gavin's worries wrong. He was determined to make the trip amazing for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters are going to be really good and I'm excited.


End file.
